Valentine’s day is around the corner and what better topic than LOVE to ponder and write about? Recently I was having a candid chat with a few of my young students and one of them suddenly popped a question, “Sir, what do you think, shall a person go for someone whom she likes or shall she go for a person who likes her?” I was caught off guard as I was least expecting something of this type to be volleyed in my direction.
Superficially, the answer can be easily put as “go for the one who likes you rather than going for the one whom you like”. But life is not as simple as that. Going along with a partner whom you don’t like will be living a life full of expectations and frustrations. Ever wondered what happens to couples after being some time in a relationship? Why do couples start fighting more and more as their relationship grows older? What is the reason behind the increasing level of toxicity over a duration of time?
I have observed that toxicity increases because of over-expectations and frustrations when they are not being met realistically. Two points come out as important to me. First is to understand the limitations of your partner and second is to keep your self-esteem high. It will prevent the relationship from toxicity and staleness, which grows over time.
As a human, you won’t be getting many chances to keep on trying different relationships. So, the one at the beginning is the most important for you. It is the one which will make you observe the colors of the rainbow. It is the one which will make you hear the chirping of the birds. So be wise in your selection the very first time. Don’t get carried away by the surge of hormones in you. Coming in and going out of each relationship causes a permanent scar on your mind. After a few such tumultuous relationships, you won’t remain what you originally were. It would be a kind of plastic surgery on your mind which will completely change you to differ greatly from what you originally were.
So, what’s the bottom line? It’s AVOID CHANGING. Neither you should try to change your partner, nor you should change yourself for your partner. And by changing, I do not mean small habits, but your nature itself.
You being you will make all the difference to your life. So, think before changing yourself for anyone.
Remember, you come in a package with all your vices and virtues tied tightly with strong silk threads. People around you would like to tweak the threads to suit their requirements. Some will try to pull out the virtues convincing you to be vices and some others will try to add vices veiling them to be virtues. This is a manipulation and one who cares for you never does that. He/she will like you the way you are. Look out for this person. He/she is the one that is made for you. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!