avishekmindit

Valentine’s day is around the corner and what better topic than LOVE to ponder and write about? Recently I was having a candid chat with a few of my young students and one of them suddenly popped a question, “Sir, what do you think, shall a person go for someone whom she likes or shall she go for a person who likes her?” I was caught off guard as I was least expecting something of this type to be volleyed in my direction.
Superficially, the answer can be easily put as “go for the one who likes you rather than going for the one whom you like”. But life is not as simple as that. Going along with a partner whom you don’t like will be living a life full of expectations and frustrations. Ever wondered what happens to couples after being some time in a relationship? Why do couples start fighting more and more as their relationship grows older? What is the reason behind the increasing level of toxicity over a duration of time?

I have observed that toxicity increases because of over-expectations and frustrations when they are not being met realistically. Two points come out as important to me. First is to understand the limitations of your partner and second is to keep your self-esteem high. It will prevent the relationship from toxicity and staleness, which grows over time.

As a human, you won’t be getting many chances to keep on trying different relationships. So, the one at the beginning is the most important for you. It is the one which will make you observe the colors of the rainbow. It is the one which will make you hear the chirping of the birds. So be wise in your selection the very first time. Don’t get carried away by the surge of hormones in you. Coming in and going out of each relationship causes a permanent scar on your mind. After a few such tumultuous relationships, you won’t remain what you originally were. It would be a kind of plastic surgery on your mind which will completely change you to differ greatly from what you originally were.

So, what’s the bottom line? It’s AVOID CHANGING. Neither you should try to change your partner, nor you should change yourself for your partner. And by changing, I do not mean small habits, but your nature itself.
You being you will make all the difference to your life. So, think before changing yourself for anyone.
Remember, you come in a package with all your vices and virtues tied tightly with strong silk threads. People around you would like to tweak the threads to suit their requirements. Some will try to pull out the virtues convincing you to be vices and some others will try to add vices veiling them to be virtues. This is a manipulation and one who cares for you never does that. He/she will like you the way you are. Look out for this person. He/she is the one that is made for you. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Long time has passed, since I had written my last post. Was it during the time of dinosaurs? I don’t remember exactly. Reason is , I write only when something comes naturally to me. Not to forget the other advantage; that if I write more you will read less!

Recently, I noticed that people around me get unhappy very easily. Sometimes I feel that they don’t even need a reason to be unhappy. Unhappiness has taken over their lives. It has become a kind of obsession for them. To give a better understanding, I list few examples. One man I know keeps on opposing someone just because he has been doing so since a long time and now it has become inherent to him. Similarly another friend of mine has developed certain paranoia against a particular community and treats everyone as a devil in it. In contrast, I have another friend, who time and again keeps on blasting his own, as intolerant and prejudiced. This blog is all about such people. Why are they slaves of their own opinions and ideas? Can these ideas not be changed, once they have been formed?

I have noticed people taking a side in ideology and getting obsessed to it. They keep on adhering themselves to a single idea and go on opposing anything which comes in contradiction to it. The early opinions are formed and the adhesion continues till the end of their lives. This imbibes stubbornness in their thinking and creates a sense of unease and discontentment leading to overall decrease in their happiness index.

During these times, life is not easy and the hardships we face are unknowingly training us to look at the things in a single perspective. Most of the time, It is the dimension that suits us the most. It is the perspective which has been embedded in us by our family, our upbringing and our present surroundings. I am talking about the predators of humanity existing within the human self. It is about the division, it is about our difference and the most important aspect of all, it is about our intolerance for a particular idea which does not match ours.

The problem is that we associate all miseries in life with the decision making capabilities of our opinion- adversary. The idea of blaming comes very easily and our tendency to justify our actions and our ideology seems as a normal and an easier reaction, against the responsibility of accepting our wrongdoings and mistakes.

Today what we need is a more happy life for each and every individual on the planet. Bigotry is never going to make anyone happy and certainly not you. Especially the bigotry which is present in your opinion. So don’t be a slave of your own perceptions. Look for the ‘positive’ and make that ‘positive’ a reason for your higher happiness index. At the end of it all, when you close your eyes forever, this happiness will be the thing which will matter to you the most.

Most of the times we see the black and the white. In simpler terms ‘the good’ or ‘the bad’. The black and white don’t exist, neither scientifically nor logically. Look for grey, because that is the colour in abundance.

How do I know this? Am I great enough to peep into the minds of people and read them? Certainly not. It is the interaction with the person or the reflection in the electronic media which unveils the innermost thoughts to anybody who is looking for it. And I am one of those, who glides over your spoken comments, your written messages and try to peep inside you, searching for your true self. This voyeuristic nature of mine is not unique; in fact it is in all.

So next time when you come across someone or some entity like political party, or a religion whom you hate or in lesser terms ‘don’t like’ then simply don’t discard it, try to adjust or adapt or simply neglect their perspective in the new situation. Don’t let this affect your personal mental well-being. Never support or oppose a person, a religion, a country or a political party, instead support or oppose the idea which germinates in these entities. Again remember the basic ‘idea’ never remains constant, it is very dynamic. It just keeps on changing as per the equations in relationships. So don’t base your relationships and your general perception on these ideas. After some time the idea will change and so your perception should change too.

To sum up all, value your own life and take it easily. Learn to fight your own demons. The demons of bigotry and superlative complex in you. Live a day at a time, with the dual purpose of fulfilling your responsibilities and to raise your happiness index. Don’t stop living your life and certainly don’t sacrifice your personal happiness on the altar of your ideologies. Take care, be happy and stay healthy. Remember it’s corona time….

Many a times I wonder what is so happy about the new year, which comes every year. The euphoria remains for a day or two and then slowly subsides into oblivion without a trace. What is left behind is a pile of memories and that also on the slipping sands of time. It goes on fading, on and on with every passing new, ‘new year’ .

Sorry for sounding pessimistic, but does the new year really matter?

So what should be the ecstasy about?

Last night as the clock struck twelve and I saw people dancing all around me, I was standing stiff and still, thinking that should I dance only because of the beat of the music or do I have even one solid reason to bear the pain which erupts inside me when my body becomes physically hyper and active.

The party got over and I did not dance. I kept trying to find a rock solid reason to shake my legs.
Finally I laid down my arms and sat down at one corner thinking about the past year. I tried to count my achievements in the previous year. I felt that even one would be worthy enough to make me get up from my seat.
On the professional front, I did whatever I was supposed to, to the best of my efforts. Nothing worth mentioning. And then I remembered, there were two distinct cases where I could pat myself for doing something out of the way. Without going into details, two poor souls were in distress. I simply gave them a helping hand and tried to pull their spirits up. I was successful upto an extent and very soon they were able to overcome the tough tide in their lives. I felt that it was a valid reason enough for me to get up and shrug off the lethargic mode, I was in. But sadly by that time party was long over and I started walking towards my nest.

So this long post was only to make you think about your achievements. They may be professional or personal or social. When you count them, you are going to feel uplifted and mind my words, ‘that is damn important’.

It gives you a reason to smile, a reason to feel important and overall a reason to be happy.

Failures and discontentment are inevitable parts of our life. At those times stand in front of the mirror. Observe the person. The person there is a human. He/she has done number of things which at times seemed far fetched. This person has faced criticism and rough weather earlier too.

Falling down is nothing new for this human, and he/she knows that he/she can get up too. He/she has the capability to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. Nothing can stop this human from fighting the adversaries of life.
In his/her heart the human in the mirror knows, what is right and what is wrong. He/she is superior to many other human beings as though he/she does not possess the ability to control his/her feelings but he/she knows how to control his/her actions. And this human has surely heard the old saying “TOUGH TIMES DONT LAST BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO”.

Once upon a time Mulla Naseeruddin was sitting with his friends. They all were discussing about the new Kaazi (Minister appointed by the king as the caretaker of a town), but Mulla was quiet.

Ultimately some of his friends realised that Mulla had not spoken anything about the Kaazi. They decided to use the opportunity to extract something from his mouth and belittle Mulla in the court next day. They requested him to express his opinion. Mulla felt irritated as he did not want to get involved in an unnecessary gossip.

Feeling himself to be at the wrong place, he decided to keep quiet. But unfortunately his friends kept on pestering him. Ultimately Mulla, not able to get himself out of the situation asked them, “Do you all know me?” The answer was unified yes. Then he asked “Do you all know the Kaazi?” Again the answer was unified yes. Mulla said “If you know me and if you know the Kaazi as well then you all are intelligent enough to estimate my opinion about him. I don’t think that I need to express my opinion to such intellectuals.” Having said this, Mulla became quiet.

His friends realized that Mulla had successfully escaped a tricky situation. After some time they again started pestering him for his opinion. Mulla asked them the same questions. This time their answer was a unified ‘No’. Mulla said “If you don’t know me and if you don’t know the Kaazi as well then there is no point in expressing my opinion here.” Having said this Mulla sat down on his chair.

Hearing this, his friends became even more determined to extract something controversial from his mouth. With renewed vigour, his friends started compelling him again. Mulla understood that it was a plan to demolish his reputation in Kaazi’s court.

He repeated his questions, but this time his friends were also ready. Half of them said, they knew him and the Kaazi and the other half said that they did not know who they were. Mulla got up from his seat and said “It’s good to see that some of you know me and the Kaazi but there are some who are still unaware of us. In this case, again it becomes futile to express my opinion here. I request all those who know my opinion, to tell all those who don’t know.” Having said this he got up and left the place. (A TURKISH FOLKLORE)

Friends, I decided to start my post with this story, as I find it very relevant in today’s world. I see now a days, people make their life complicated and complex by building a web of lies and deceit around them and creating a mountainous ego. The ego is promoted to such a level that it becomes difficult to handle it.

Certain amphibians have this rare trait. They triple their body size by sucking air through their mouth. Their bloated bodies give an impression of magnanimity and the predator feels intimidated.

Now humans are acquiring this unique trait. They gloat and bloat on the materialistic aspects of life. Even more dangerous are those who feel that they are ‘know it all’. Such people live in false ego and create an unpleasant environment around them, trying to force in their whimsical ideas into the minds of all.

First thing, a bragging mind destructs and demolishes beyond recognition is the human self. It kills morality, logic and reasoning capacity of the very same mind in which it exists. Remember a lie how much ever big it may seem, but unfortunately it is an inflated balloon. The moment it is pricked with the pin of truth, it gets reduced to its depreciated and emaciated self. So realize, it is not important to give an opinion on everything and force our ideas into the minds of others. At times, we may be wrong in our ideas or may be simply do not fit in the company in which we are in. At such times, it is best to keep our mouth shut and let our minds be open. As the old saying goes “Mouth open, mind shut.”

So channel your energy into your mind; it will lead to something positive and productive. Stop living the self-pretentious life. And at times, understand that it is best to slip out of tricky situations just like The Great Mulla Naseerudin Hoda.

Recently I saw one of my past students after many years. We both were attending a common function. We stayed in the same hall for about an hour but he kept on eluding me. I felt he was not very receptive of my presence. Ultimately being a pester that I am, I went ahead and greeted him.

I love to meet my students who try to avoid me. Generally they do this when they don’t have anything remarkable in their list of achievements or they are going under some emotional stress. It gives me an immense satisfaction, when I am able to peep into their minds,understand their troubles and provide a sympathetic ear to them, if nothing else. The overall idea is to make them open up. And believe me in all such cases I have seen my children pouring their heart out. I feel this is important as I have come across innumerable talents being tethered and pulled towards the extreme end of fear and depression.

Within five minutes he blurted out everything. At last he simply said that HE WAS NOT HAPPY. He asked me sir, Is success more important than happiness.

Surprisingly within last 6 months this question had popped up thrice in front of me. They were posed in different words but were leading to the same effect. I felt that somewhere there is something which is fundamentally wrong in our modern method of upbringing of our new generation. Thus I decided to go deeper into the subject and evaluate it in the present day context.

To start with, I decided to define happiness. I needed to define it as per my personal experiences in life. The problem of comparing happiness – an abstract thing, with success – a materialistic aspect as taken in the general sense; was not an easy task to comprehend.

What is happiness?
I tried to define happiness in my own terms. I realised that Happiness is getting in peace with one’s own mind. To substantiate my idea I looked into the pages of history. Gautam Buddha’s life provided me the correct understanding. He was a failure in terms of tangible gains, but was he unhappy; I had my doubts. I understood him as a person who was at peace with himself and so nothing brought unhappiness to him.

Success I felt, is very different from the common perception. I found success, as abstract as happiness. Abstract is something that cannot be seen and the one which cannot be measured. Success also satisfied the criteria. No being is truly successful. The craving for more and more makes a mind continuously go on, in the quest of success. It always feels that still much more should be done to achieve a truly satisfying status. These minds belong to successful but unhappy people.

I understood that success is pivotal for happiness but it is only an ingredient of a magic potion. It is like salt in a curry. It adds to the taste, and that’s all. There are other things too, which matter to a person to be eternally happy.

More so, success comes in fragments and is intermittent in nature. It is never continuous and always gets laced with streaks of failure. It’s the Nature’s way of balancing things. Many people term it as fate.

So to conclude, I would suggest that let us accept these failures and keep on fighting. At a point when we see that things are going out of our control, then let us not worry, just step back and let the things happen. Remember we cannot change the way of life. It has its own ups and downs. And in fact that’s the beauty of it. It is fighting against the odds that make us more enduring and stronger. At these low points, we need helping hands and strong shoulders. And here our personal equations will matter with the people around us. Some will be happy, seeing the fall but there are some who want us to rise again from the ashes like a phoenix.

SO WE NEED TO STAY TUNED AND WORK HARD. NOT TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL BUT FOR HAPPINESS. LET US KEEP OUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR THAT WE DID OUR BEST TO MAKE OURSELVES HAPPY ALONG WITH SOME PEOPLE WHO MATTER TO US THE MOST….

(My personal opinion as always.)

Today I will start my blog by stating an observation. I was talking to my father and he asked me that when was I going to get my next long stint of holidays. For the latecomers, let me first initiate them into this. In my profession I enjoy one luxury of which my friends in other professions are always jealous of. I AS A TEACHER ENJOY THREE LONG STINTS OF HOLIDAYS. The famous summer vacation of about a month and half, short puja holidays of about ten days and Christmas vacation of about three weeks. This is in addition to the normal festivals and weekends.

Many of you might feel that it is a good reason enough to kick your own professions and jump into teaching. Please don’t get misguided and don’t form your own conclusions. If you would have noticed above, it is the only luxury which as a teacher I enjoy. (Education policy in our country changes with every new government coming to the power. You will be fed up of the quixotic ideas, which teachers in our country are forced to follow in the name of imparting education. But I will hold the lava inside for some other time.) Deviating from the topic is becoming quite regular in my mannerisms.

Coming back to the point, his question surprised me. He knows very well that my next long stint of holidays will be in the month of October during the pujas. I reminded him so. He told that it’s been long time since we had last met and he wanted me to come to his place for few days. (We live in different towns.)

Long after disconnecting, this thing went on spiraling in my mind. Not even a month had passed, since I had returned from my father’s place. I had spent ten days with him. Clearly it was not enough. I understood very well that he remained unsatisfied and wanted me to stay for few more days with him. Even I felt I should have stayed longer. But I had my own obligations to cover and he understood them very well.

I was perplexed a bit. His question was very personal. It was from a father to a son. I realized, in last ten years, I had not spent more than two hundred days with him. If I consider my personal interaction with him in hours, it will be a quite shameful revelation. Pulling the strings of my life itself consumes so much of energy that I am hardly left with any time to spend with my family. And how much ever I try; my professional bindings prohibit me from fulfilling his and my desire.

A cycle of generations evolved in my mind. Parents spend their lives trying to establish their children. Their children become their universe and all their efforts revolve around them. They pay a heavy price for these efforts. Their youth is wasted in acquiring and saving the materialistic aspects of life. Among the entire hullabaloo, they hardly get time to spend with their children. In the process, they sacrifice their own wants and desires.

On the other side children spend their entire childhood in studying and playing with their friends. Many times they start feeling more comfortable with their friends than with their own parents. I notice that the relation is getting reduced to that of an investor and a product.

As children grow up and settle, their lives are totally different from what had been planned and executed meticulously for them. (Only thing that is certain in life; is its uncertainty.) So ultimately parents spend their old age safeguarding the assets and the clinging continues till their last breath. Meanwhile children fall into the same cycle and start planning for their next generation. And this goes on.

So friends, please don’t repeat the cycle of generations again. If you are a parent then don’t forget to live your own life. Remember once children go out of their homes for career building, they are never going to come back and stay with you. Their career will always be at the same pole as yours in a magnet. How much ever you try to pull them towards you, they will always be repelled. They will have to settle at a place which is more suitable for their career, not at the place where you have safeguarded a castle for them.

And if you are a son or a daughter then remember your parents are not going to stay with you forever. With every day you pass in your life, your parents’ inch towards their own termination.

It’s very important for you to understand that compromising on the time spent with your loved ones is a bigger loss than anything else. So spend time together, the bonding is going to be stronger. And repentance will never set in.

(My personal opinion as always.)

Last week, unwillingly I got myself invited into one of the political party’s core committee meeting. A vibrant and young leader from the party is a dear friend and I could not snub his request. Umpteen requests to explain my fallacy and unuseabilty fell on his deaf ears. He convinced me saying that country needs intellectuals to come ahead and play active role in politics. The word “intellectual” did the trick and feeling bloated, I laid down my arms.

I was instructed to reach the venue by 9:30 a.m. But punctuality is not one of my traits. Moreover political gatherings rarely start on time. I reached the place about forty five minutes late.

The meeting had already started. It was bit embarrassing, all eyes turned towards me as I entered the hall. I was surprised by the presence of a national level leader in the small gathering of about fifty party cadres. He was speaking on the mic and was questioning the cadres one by one.

As I left the place in the lunch break, sheer admiration and new found respect occupied my heart. The respect was not for the party or the leader, but it was for their ultimate dedication towards the vocation, they were in.

My understanding of the political leaders was shattered into bits. Unlike the mass perception, I found them extremely talented and very professional in their approach. The leader was ready with the data and was questioning each and every member of the party individually. I heard him singing praises for some and also heard him spitting fire on few.

As I stepped out, a facebook notification attracted my attention towards the mobile. I was tagged by one of my old students to sign an online petition requesting lenient evaluation for their physics board examination answer sheets. I scrolled down some more posts. I noticed a request to share a picture of God to get some good news. Another post was from a lovelorn individual claiming his love to be divine. Surprisingly the same message ended with a kind of threat and repurcussions if his love was not reciprocated effectively. Yet another post was a call of religion. It seemed that the Almighty was in dire straits and needed my help to save himself. The message further requested all to come and fight the war. (Which war? With whom? And does god really need my help?) I had my own doubts. Had the Almighty lost his might and needed my help to save his dignity?

A sort of comparison erupted in my mind. STRONG VS WEAK.

One side I saw a group of determined and dedicated politicians and on the other side vulnerable and weak generations who were completely lost within webs of religion, caste, emotional setbacks and freebies.

I wondered about the future of the nation. I realised that it doesn’t matter anymore to any of us. Which ever political party comes to power, we the citizens will always be at the recieving end. The simple reason is that we have diverted our energy into multiple smaller segments.

So friends, I will like to end with two simple requests.

• Keep only one chain to bind us all together and let that chain be of humanity. For a while forget about personal setbacks, religion and other factors however significant you feel they are.
• Secondly, fight for only one thing and let that one thing be “SELF RESPECT”. Don’t let anybody crush your self respect. Be it your parents, your children, your spouse, your friends or any body.

I seriously feel, these two points are going to take care of both of our ultimate needs. BETTER WORLD WITH BETTER ME.

(My personal opinion as always)

Few days back, I was talking to one of my colleagues and I got reminded of an incident which really shaped my way of thinking. Today I feel that unconsciously it is that experience which affects my day to day interaction with anybody in my life. I would certainly like to share that experience with you.

Way back in 1994, I got a chance to visit ISKCON temple in Bangalore. When you are young, you hardly understand the significance of spiritualism and presence of GOD in life. So the idea of visiting the temple for any sort of divine experience was farfetched. It was just a kind of sightseeing trip for me.

After the darshan, I was feeling exhausted and wanted to sit down for a while. Suddenly something caught my attention. I saw a group of people entering into a hall. Feeling curious, I went behind them. Something unexpected met my eyes. I saw a young girl crying in front of a priest. The priest was sitting on a large sofa, with a table in front of him. The girl might have been in her early teens and was crying profusely. She was surrounded by her family and a few onlookers. I went and joined the group to satisfy my curiosity. The priest was very jovial and friendly in nature. He saw and gave me a smile.

What I could gather was that the girl had just survived a suicide attempt. She had tried to end her life by taking a heavy dose of sleeping pills. Her parents had brought her here for some kind of expert counselling. I was bemused by the idea of counselling by a priest of a temple. I looked at his credentials engraved on a piece of metal plate kept on the table. He was an American citizen and was a former CEO of a high profile company. His looks bracketed his age in early forties. To my utter surprise, the man knew 7 foreign and 6 Indian languages.

Feeling impressed, I started listening to their conversation. Within minutes, he was able to comfort the girl with his friendly interaction. Failed love affair was the reason for the girl’s suicide attempt. (It is impossible for me to recount his exact words. But I will try to tell you the essence of it. It was in the course of conversation with the girl. Words are mine but the idea is genuinely his)

“Child, love is the best feeling, a human can ever possess. And when the same person loves you back, it becomes the biggest unsolved mystery for science. It is purely a divine phenomenon. Your falling in love was an involuntary phenomenon and coming out of it will also be the same.

Unlike joy, sadness doesn’t need a reason. Celebration is an effect and it requires a cause. But gloom sets on a human mind, without any reason. If we look at life from a different perspective, we see that nothing is in our control. Neither the actions and nor the reactions. Remember these actions and reactions are generated in our mind. They are highly mental in nature and we don’t have any control on the thoughts which cause them.

Then where does the good and the bad enter into our lives. As the most developed specie on this planet it becomes our responsibility to check and judge these actions and reactions before executing them physically.

Before moving ahead let me make you understand the concept of the good and the bad. What is good and what is bad. I will define bad, then the good automatically gets defined.

Bad is basically an action or a reaction which satisfies the following criteria:

• It always generates a sense of guilt and hiding.
• Bad and sad are synonymous. Momentarily a bad action can give you happiness for some time, but ultimately its effect will make you sad.
• Bad is never ‘individual’, it is always ‘social’. It affects you as well as the others, who are around you or are connected to you.

So what makes an action bad? It is the timing. Timing of an action determines whether it is good or bad. An appropriate action at an appropriate time will justify its execution. Otherwise it fails to stand for its own cause.

My dear child, you cannot control your emotions. Falling in love was an involuntary action. So what makes its wrong? It is the timing. At this stage, you are neither mentally nor physically or socially ready for this action. So wait for the correct time. It will be the time when you have gained more decision making capabilities, and when you have achieved the ability to sustain the added responsibilities of a relation.

Right now, you don’t have any right to end your own life. You simply cannot nullify the labour and the troubles undertaken by your parents, in raising you up. Their aspirations need to be answered. And most importantly you still have to justify your own birth as a human being. You are born with a purpose and that purpose has to be achieved. Today, IF YOU DIE, THEN HOW MANY WILL CRY?

It will only be a handful of people, who are related to you. Have you affected any other life, which will miss your presence after your death? If not, then my dear child your goal is still far away. Before taking up such actions, first contemplate on this factor. At least, try to affect one life in a positive way, so that you are remembered as an individual self.

Think for a week and give me an answer to this question. WHEN YOU DIE, HOW MANY WILL CRY?”

After some time the priest signaled the mother to take the child away, and told the father to get her back after a week. The girl seemed to be relaxed but it was evident that she was thinking something about the question she had heard from the priest. The crowd dispersed and I looked into his eyes before turning back to move away. He simply smiled and said, “Keep visiting”.

Sadly, I never got a chance to visit the place again. And I really don’t know the outcome of his counselling sessions with the girl. But this question kept on reverberating in my mind again and again. “WHEN YOU DIE, HOW MANY WILL CRY?”

So, friends I have recounted this incident for all those people who feel depressed and are unable to come in touch with reality. Feeling happy or sad is not in our control.

It is also for the young minds, which literally jump into forming relationships without weighing its pros and cons.

Think about it. Judge your actions and reactions on the stated parameters. Make your life fruitful for others. Please walk the extra mile. And try to answer this question. “WHEN YOU DIE, HOW MANY WILL CRY?”

( I am racing against time, to release the forth episode of SAMYANTAK. February 2018, was very hectic with other job commitments lined up. Sorry for the delay. I will try to complete the episode within this week.)